How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just sucked dick on a ferry
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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