you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
