I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
