A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
