I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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