Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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