I heard we made out
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
