Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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