He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
