why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
