I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
