I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
