I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
