Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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