it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
