She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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