how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
