I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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