I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ketchup is God's man juice
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
