I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
