I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You are a genius and a whore.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
