dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
