The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
