just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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