Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
