i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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