I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
