3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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