I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
