So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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