dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
