I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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