I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
