I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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