did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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