What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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