clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
