This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
