I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
