jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
okay pat passed out under dana's car
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
