somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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