A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
