so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
pray to the hookup gods
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
