you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
