Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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