I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
