dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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