Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
