Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
