Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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