Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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