I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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