God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
