i was born a porn star she said
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
