she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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