funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
