i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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