just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
