Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
