addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
