awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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