i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
