We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
