CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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