last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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