i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
