that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
