One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
