I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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