All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
