Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
