I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Operation Purity has been aborted
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
