He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
