Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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