peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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