..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize