its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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