I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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