if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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